My Quest for Truth

I am one of those people that need constant reminders. No matter how many amazing experiences I might have had; after awhile I will forget about them and start to wondering again. For instance my relationship with hubby. Challenging, and sometime I forget how great it can really be. Which is why I guess I am grateful for scrapbooking, journaling, and now blogging. I often go back and read our letters we wrote to each other during my 18 month trip. They remind why this man is perfect for me.

Now take my relationship with Christ, and the church. I suppose the lay person would suppose it easy for me considering the previously mentioned Church mission, but like I said... I forget. I forget those feelings I have received so many times, that tell me what I believe to be true. I need reminding, and I am pretty sure my Heavenly Father knows this.

I enjoy reading and even I guess you can say 'investigating' other religions. I am curious, plus I enjoy seeking truths. I like understanding what they believe and why. I will always remember the quote by President Hinckley on how other churches have the truth, "But let's see if we can't add to it." It makes me smile. So with that being said... I still have alot of questions that I cannot always find answers to. If you wanted to hear my testimony on how I know that being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the only way I know I will find those answers eventually, I will give it to you. Oh wait... But still questions, comments, concerns that I would like addressed one day. So I seek. There are those times when so much information can cause you to become troubled. There are so many different opinions, and truths, just how is one supposed to know.

All of this was building up until yesterday. Like a good girl I went to church, mostly because I feel the responsibility for the 15 child class we teach. Which I can see is another way of God helping me out, He knows that is what it takes to get me there. And then once I am there... Whammo! I am sitting in sacrament, and there again... that feeling. I was not even pondering about it or asking. But all of a sudden... peace. I was doing the right thing, I was in the right place, I believe in the right truths.

I might be still seeking my answers for awhile yet but that is what makes this life so exciting. Further growth. Unfortunately sometimes I need a bit of a backtracking... stupid me. Luckily I have someone looking out for me who understands my needs and desires. And for that I am eternally grateful.

Now if He can just help me with my new years resolution.

My Contagiousness

My past couple weeks have been spent working and becoming gradually more and more sick. I suppose being in people's mouths all day exposes me to more germs than the average gal, because I seem to get sick alot. I guess it is my indicator I have been working too much lately. =) I will be sure to inform my boss first thing in the morning.

Anyways, I felt the need to post in order to publicly apologize to my friends for my lameness. I miss them and need girl time... soon... after I heal... oh, and it will have to wait until the next time I have a day off... which I think is next week. BOO!

On the plus side all these hours are helping us to pay for yet another car repair bill. And a $2,900 tuition bill for Avery school's... for one bloody semester. *Note to self, it is worth it, it is worth it.*

I did venture out with my family for dinner, to finally celebrate my bigger/younger brother's 22nd birthday, which was two weeks ago. Punk cannot make time for his family anymore. He has made the decision to re-enlist in the marine corps, maybe. If you know him at all, you know that might change a good 2,3, 45 times.

Well, after reading blogs and facebook to feel social again I am off to bed.

Cheers.

Post Script:
Whilst 'resting' this past weekend as my fantastically generous husband taught our 15 children sized primary by himself, I started this little diddy that my brother got for Christmas. Better than the first one by far and causing me to ask Ave what his definition of addicted is.

My Coping Mechanism

I bought a new video game. I will not tell you about the one I am anxiously waiting for at the end of this month. Nor will I go into detail about the one I was addicted to over Christmas break. This will not, repeat, will not turn into a gaming blog. I need to remind myself you know. But I do not think that I need to remind you that I am a nerd.

So back to the game...



I will not say I am addicted, because I had the older one and not too much has changed between the two to be terribly interesting. But I will say I stayed up laaaaattte last night playing. And my character had four baby girls all within a few days. So nah-nanny-boo-boo to fate... I showed you didn't I? Ugh, yeah!!


PS I will say I can never be a hermit. I love being around people too much and having my friends close to me. They fill my life with love. Thank you for your well wishes. I am sorry for making it such a pity fest.

My Emotional Day

Have you ever bawled hysterically? Like where you cannot stop crying? And your face is all twisted up? And you hope to goodness no one walks in while you are on the bathroom floor with this horrible face? And your mascara is literally painting your cheeks? And your choking on your own snot because you cannot breathe normally while you are bawling? And you keep trying to stop and suck it up, but everytime you take a deep breath and look in the mirror it starts again? And then when you go upstairs finally and manage to start to breathe, your husband looks at you and asks, "Are you having a emotional day?" And it starts all over again? And he holds you in his arms and says how sorry he is and he did not know and how it will all work out and it will happen? And he rubs the same spot on your arm till it goes tingly while you soak his t-shirt with even more tears? And then he asks you 20 minutes later if you feel better and you say, "No..." the same time the waterworks start all over again? And the whole time you are trying to calm down and keep quiet because your parents and little brother are at the dinner table literally four feet away and you do NOT want them asking, "What is the matter?" "Are you okay?" Or telling you "Oh, you are just being crazy/silly/emotional." "It will happen." Even though the whole time you do feel crazy/silly/emotional for letting all of this get so out of hand. And do you probably deep down you know it will happen and everything will work out? But in your head you are thinking it has already been eight months and if it was supposed to happen it would have by now. And you have you somehow convinced yourself that biology does not work for you and obviously you will have to find other means, like E-bay? And while you were at Target buying shaving cream and other items you did not feel like buying ever again and trying not to cry before you got home were staring at a family, justifying stealing, and wondering how long it would take for them to notice? And have you spent the past three days peeing on sticks and looking at names and starting to get excited? And do you think you are a complete idiot for getting your hopes up and you should absolutely know better because obviously you are the one person in the world where something that is supposed to be natural is blatantly un-? And then do the tears start trickling down your cheeks again as you are typing this even though it has now been hours and you are feeling calmer but obviously not as much as you originally thought because here it goes again? And you have a now pounding headache which no amount of aleve will subside? And now again you feel like an idiot for being so crazy/silly/emotional and know all your friends will be unbelievably kind, but you do not want the sympathy? You just felt like venting. And hope that one day you can look back with fondness at this trial in your life?

And did all of this happen because you started your period today?

My True Love Gave To Me

I wanted to wait until I went back to work, today, before I blogged about Christmas. I had this wierd idea if I posted it, that would mean it was really over. We really enjoyed the break; me lot's of time off work and Ave lot's of time away from school. The whole time we just relaxed. Avery did alot of his favorite things; shooting, reloading, looking at guns at cabelas. I ended up playing a video game for 70 hours straight. Yes, yes... I am a nerd.

Anywho, Christmas morning starts with a knock on our bedroom door that 'it is time'. The youngest at the Rhodes' is now 14, so we all slept in until 9 AM. My grandparents made the long trek across the street to watch the unwrapping. I could see why one would want to watch, but I could not help but think it would be more fun with a little-little one... alas, Santa did not leave one in my stocking. Spencer even showed up on time to join in. The whole family together! Rare...

Ave and I had set a $20 limit for each other, lame I know, but we have a massive tuition bill due in 23 days. So Mr. Johnson brings up this big beautifully wrapped box.



Oh, sorry did I say beautifully wrapped, I meant interestingly. You must know that this is the man who taught me how to properly tie a bow. His mother(s) taught him wrapping skills, I know they did. So why the 'unique' packaging... who knows...he said he wanted draw my attention, you got it babe. The whole time I am thinking of the little mini puny remote control car that is waiting in the corner for him and I am panicking.

"Avery did you break the limit?"
"No," He smiles.
"That is for me?"
"Yes."
"And it did not cost more than $20?"
"No." Why is he still smiling? Can he not see how obviously not amusing this is?!
"What is it?"
"You will find out soon."

Grrr... My mind is reviewing possiblities for such a size box. A cricut? Why would he get me a cricut, they are like $300, is he crazy? Will I make him take it back? No, he would not think to buy that for me anyway. What else could it be?

After much paper tearing, I am able to get to the large box. I start to unwrap and see... the automatic trash can my parents just bought at Costco. Grandpa sees it from across the room.
"What you got there? Oh, a trash can, that's interesting."
You have no idea grandpa. Okay... a few thoughts flick through my mind...He obviously scavenged the box. Still what could fit inside this. Is he just being funny? Is it ridiculously small? What would he get me that is ridiculously small? What would he get me anyway? I thought I had him pegged, but now I have no idea what he could have come up with... You would be surprised how fast my brain works.

Then I open the automatic trash can box and the aroma hits me full on. OH!



Are they not loverly?
Tee hee...

And that's not all folks. He then drags out a full length mirror... cheap one from wal-mart, I made sure we did not break the limit here...so I won't have to stand on the tub anymore to make sure my shoes look good with my top. Awww...look who pays attention!

The rest of the day was a success. To the Rhodes parents the entire Star Trek series... original to the Trekkies who wish to pout, and remastered so in yo' face. The bros received Star Wars related gifts, I had a theme going and kept it once I realized it... like first season of clone wars and a cook book called Wookie Cookies: and other Star Wars related recipes. I like the title. Say it aloud. Wookie Cookies. You will like it too. The family got Beatles rock band... rocks... and I got a video game called Dragon Age which then took up the rest of my life until I beat it. Avery also received an airbrushing kit which he wants to first practice on my four-wheeling helmet. I am going to make him paint flowers and not the skull he wants, it is my helmet after all.





Ave's step mom made me a cute ruffly apron, we got new down pillows, and Ave's grandmother put together a binder of geneology, complete with photos and stories. Best gift of the night! All the aunts and uncles wanted to look through it.

Moving on to New Year's Eve, which originally was supposed to be eventful, with friend and family parties in spades. Then last minute I fell ill, and ended up falling asleep on the couch until like 10 PM. Boo! I like socializing and forcing Ave to. At midnight I was alone watching Ryan Seacrest count down with a post stroke Dick Clark (which always makes me sad...Why is he still on tv? To make me cry?) Avery was outside with the father and sibling lighting fireworks. I pouted that I did not get my new years kiss. I have 23 years to make up here!! Okay, maybe I should only count since dating age... point is I still enjoy the tradition.

To all who are within the click of my post, my new years resolution is to:

CONCEIVE.

and yes, I mean in that way... do not censor me.

Our family goal is entitled: Project Clean House, which excites me.

And I would still also like to fulfill my 2009 resolution of kicking the caffeine habit... boo! Who can give up Dr Pepper? I cannot fathom how it is done. The few times were forced ie: MTC and tonsilectomy.

For all my friends and family I wish you much success and happiness in the new decade. May we live long and prosper.