Sunday, September 12, 2010

My Emotions

OK... firstly, I love you guys. Yes, you. All the support and loving vibes... Thank you! Of course I am so excited and so far so good. Thanks for the prayers and thoughts. =)
As most of you have experienced personally when you become pregnant, your emotions can become a little... eratic. Do you want to hear about mine?
As in just last week I was coming down the stairs... now the other side effect of pregnancy is the tenderness. As in the 'girls'. That's all I will explain, guys read this. So coming down the stairs and with every step ow, ow, ow, ow. By the end of the stairs I was crying... seriously tearing up. Ave was sitting on the couch as I walked over to him he looked up from his homework and asked, "Are you okay?" And I just start crying about how I hurt but it really isn't that big a deal, and I don't know why I'm crying but I am, and I'm sad and don't know why. Ave just watched with amusement and then told me to "Come here." I curled up next to him and after a minute all was back to normal. ???
Last night we had game night with some friends. Just to elaborate our game nights do not consist of board games. We have a gaming night. We end up with three x-boxes, two tvs, a projector, and lot's of Halo/Rainbow Six/Gears of War. Game night. We were there until late, but I was starting to get really tired. Luckily we had driven seperately so I went home with Ave saying he'd be coming after they beat this level on Halo Wars. I was so excited to see my bed and crashed. Other side effect... having to get up a few times a night. Not fun... nothing usually wakes me.
True story, I slept through a fire alarm, not safe, but sleeping has never been an issue for me, until now. So at 4:00 AM I roll over to get up and Avery is still not home! Pregnancy emotions=full blown panic. I text him, then call... several times. Then I call my girlfriend who's house we were at to see if they were all still there. But nobody answers. I get dressed and sit in bed trying to decide the best way to ask the hospital if they have received any car accident victims lately. I'm trying just to think of the possibilities, but they are all bad. If for some reason he decided to sleep over, he would have called right? Maybe I should just wait until morning to see if he comes home, but then he could be in the ditch all night and I would never forgive myself. If he was still playing he would answer his phone. I start tearing up. The longest 15 minutes of my life later, my friend texts me and says they are still trying to beat this level and he will be home right after. I start bawling, no kidding. Why? No clue. I get undressed and back in bed but can't fall back asleep. Ave texts 10 minutes later to tell me he is on his way home now. I've calmed down enough when he gets home that I just acknowledge him being alive as "Good to know." Ave apologizes for making me worry. And I comment a call could've avoided all the drama of me almost calling the hospitals and driving around looking for the car off a cliff. "Really, Jenn, really?" Ok, next time I'll wait a couple days before I start to wonder, hmmm, I haven't seen my husband maybe I should start worrying. He responds with I knew he playing, I knew where he was.
"Yeah, three hours ago! I had no idea you would still be there at this hour."
Okay, irrational, yes, do I realize this at the time, probably. Doesn't make it any less real!
He tells me good night and I ask for a hug. He then reassures me he's okay, everything's okay. Then I sleep. ???
In the morning light it's all ridiculous. What is my deal?
But I am not complaining... I could go crazy tomorrow and still be thrilled. We're going to have a baby!!!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

My Apologies

It seems an odd question but should one apologize for not blogging. After all blogging is usually more of a personal outlet than anything. Especially in this instance where this is not a money-making venture. But then again the only way I keep in touch with some people is by viewing their blogs, so along those lines of thought...
I am sorry. I am alive. I have been busy. But not that busy, it probably has more to do with not really having much to write about. How often do you post about work before it becomes boring? Once, twice, daily for months on end? =)
I did get a second job. I suppose that's news. I'm teaching at Practical Dental Assisting. Just on Saturdays, since Ave works and I just get bored. Plus I love teaching!
Other than that... Ave started school again. Boo! He started his graduate program so only two years left. Yay! He's been busy trying to finalize his master's project and I've just been trying to be supportive and pay his tuition. I'm a good sugar mama!
Hmmm... what else. Oh yeah. The whole sugar mama thing, it's now legit.
=) As in I am finally fricking pregnant!!!!!!
Ok... So I'm proud of myself for holding it in that long. Two whole paragraphs! Aren't you proud? I'm officially seven weeks so still really early, I should be waiting but after trying for so long and a couple early miscarriages... getting this far feels like a huge accomplishment. By announcing this I'm hoping it makes it more real, not jinxing it. So if for some reason I stop talking about the pregnancy, just assume I don't want to tell you why.
But let's think cheerful, happy, positive, baby sticking thoughts! Like I said this is the farthest we've ever gotten. My Dad has been taking me down every week for ultrasounds to ensure everything is coming along nicely. So far so good. It pays to have connections. I'm hoping to have a better picture to post soon. For the moment it's a large void with a squiggy spot in the middle... which is growing so fast!!! He said by next week the skeletal structure starts to form, which it makes it easier to differentiate baby tissue from mommy tissue. Wierd!
Now that I have news... I can start posting again. I know you're all on the edge of your chair.