Sunday, September 12, 2010

My Emotions

OK... firstly, I love you guys. Yes, you. All the support and loving vibes... Thank you! Of course I am so excited and so far so good. Thanks for the prayers and thoughts. =)
As most of you have experienced personally when you become pregnant, your emotions can become a little... eratic. Do you want to hear about mine?
As in just last week I was coming down the stairs... now the other side effect of pregnancy is the tenderness. As in the 'girls'. That's all I will explain, guys read this. So coming down the stairs and with every step ow, ow, ow, ow. By the end of the stairs I was crying... seriously tearing up. Ave was sitting on the couch as I walked over to him he looked up from his homework and asked, "Are you okay?" And I just start crying about how I hurt but it really isn't that big a deal, and I don't know why I'm crying but I am, and I'm sad and don't know why. Ave just watched with amusement and then told me to "Come here." I curled up next to him and after a minute all was back to normal. ???
Last night we had game night with some friends. Just to elaborate our game nights do not consist of board games. We have a gaming night. We end up with three x-boxes, two tvs, a projector, and lot's of Halo/Rainbow Six/Gears of War. Game night. We were there until late, but I was starting to get really tired. Luckily we had driven seperately so I went home with Ave saying he'd be coming after they beat this level on Halo Wars. I was so excited to see my bed and crashed. Other side effect... having to get up a few times a night. Not fun... nothing usually wakes me.
True story, I slept through a fire alarm, not safe, but sleeping has never been an issue for me, until now. So at 4:00 AM I roll over to get up and Avery is still not home! Pregnancy emotions=full blown panic. I text him, then call... several times. Then I call my girlfriend who's house we were at to see if they were all still there. But nobody answers. I get dressed and sit in bed trying to decide the best way to ask the hospital if they have received any car accident victims lately. I'm trying just to think of the possibilities, but they are all bad. If for some reason he decided to sleep over, he would have called right? Maybe I should just wait until morning to see if he comes home, but then he could be in the ditch all night and I would never forgive myself. If he was still playing he would answer his phone. I start tearing up. The longest 15 minutes of my life later, my friend texts me and says they are still trying to beat this level and he will be home right after. I start bawling, no kidding. Why? No clue. I get undressed and back in bed but can't fall back asleep. Ave texts 10 minutes later to tell me he is on his way home now. I've calmed down enough when he gets home that I just acknowledge him being alive as "Good to know." Ave apologizes for making me worry. And I comment a call could've avoided all the drama of me almost calling the hospitals and driving around looking for the car off a cliff. "Really, Jenn, really?" Ok, next time I'll wait a couple days before I start to wonder, hmmm, I haven't seen my husband maybe I should start worrying. He responds with I knew he playing, I knew where he was.
"Yeah, three hours ago! I had no idea you would still be there at this hour."
Okay, irrational, yes, do I realize this at the time, probably. Doesn't make it any less real!
He tells me good night and I ask for a hug. He then reassures me he's okay, everything's okay. Then I sleep. ???
In the morning light it's all ridiculous. What is my deal?
But I am not complaining... I could go crazy tomorrow and still be thrilled. We're going to have a baby!!!


Blake and Audra said...

Oh Jen! You poor thing. I wish hormones and emotions didn't make us act like crazy people sometimes. Not that you're crazy... You have such a good attitude about it. I'm so happy for you!

Melissa R said...

Oh I am so excited for you. Sorry you are going through the crazy prego stage. Its ok we all do in our own way. Also when are you do?