Saturday, March 28, 2009

Baby Monster

MMM... nam.. nam! So for those of you who may care to know but have yet to figure out. I am baby hungry. I have been wanting to get pregnant very, very badly for several months now. But we seriously just can't afford it. Stupid husband going to stupid school. We are trying to find a way, so for anyone who tries to tell me there is always a way and that we are being selfish. Believe it or not, I have hear that. Stupid people with there stupid wrong opinions. I managed to procure a self-insurance plan since I don't have any through work, and student insurance is ridiculous. But my maternity deductible is $6500!!!! Jeez, that's like 1/4 of our yearly income. Boo! I'm trying to be good and not do it medicaid style, I don't like mooching, but it might come to some sort of secondary help from them. And then the other big sacrifice is we are moving in with my parents in two months. If you know my parents, or me, you know this is really serious for me. I debated over this for literally over a year. Is it worth it? How BAD do I want a baby? Finally I decided, badly enough to give up my own space, my own food (you underestimate your own grocery habits until you live with someone else), my own decorations, my own cleanliness (a big deal at my parents), and having my husband to myself. It still will be very hard. Especially since it will probably be for at least 2 years. Stupid school again. I still have to work to put Ave through because his stupid difficult program just doesn't let him work more than 15 hours a week. Which is partly why we are moving, we are hoping if it came to it we could live just on his income.... ridiculously poor. So then I will hopefully only work a few days a week, which still is a few too many, but I have to get over that. THIS is the plan. The plan is in place. The plan WILL work. We have been doing construction on my folks' basement for the last couple months. Which means that as soon as we see it through, we can start trying!!!! =) I cannot wait. I cry at baby booties. I heard a newborn cry out in Costco the other day and started bawling. I swear my womb physically aches. Is that possible? I feel like one of the ladies who has been trying and having trouble or had a miscarriage and you have to walk on eggshells in case they fall apart emotionally. I am that woman. And my biggest fear is that after all this.... it will take forever. I will really be a mess then. For all my friends, I am sorry. I am pretty sure I am not pleasant at this time to be around. And we've been so busy trying to hurry and get this built that I haven't seen anyone in forever. And I love my friend dates. =( But hopefully after all this I'll have a rolly little Johnson to show off. YAY!!!!!
P.S. My husband is the best. He's been working his butt off at school and then coming home to do construction all night and weekend. He makes fun because there are those days when I come home from primary or work and say,"Never mind! I never want kids" and then I'll see some cute little baby and go "Ohhh... I want one so bad." What can I say I'm a girl, I'm emotional and tempermental. sp?
Kiss your babies for me.


AdaMandy said...

I love to hear that you are willing to sacrifice to have a baby. Most people aren't willing to, even in the church. It'll all be worth it when you have an adorable baby in your arms. Good luck with everything. I'm excited for you.

Blake and Audra said...


Jeana said...

i hope for your sake that you do get preg really fast, if you can believe it, the baby hunger actually gets worse when you start trying! the month lasts so long!but i think thats awesome that you are being so responsible and will be completely ready for a baby :)

Teea Lamb said...

Thank you guys so much for coming to the cemetery on Wednesday. We appreciate it so much! You guys are awesome to come and we were so happy to have your support. Thanks for thinking of us and helping us honor Kynslee. We hope you guys are doing good!