Saturday, October 13, 2012

My Ups & Downs

Let's get real here for a moment...  Life sucks. Sorry, Life. For the most part I love every little bit of you; the experiences, the flavors, the relationships. But you can just be draining!

Only a few years ago we were struggling to conceive a child, and that always seemed to have me down. The last five years have jailed Avery into schooling ie us being broke as a joke. The last three years we have had to depend on the generosity of friends and family for something as necessary as housing. The last year has been a lot of major changes for my extended family, which has been mostly downs... minor hiccups of lifts. The last five months of unknowns and transitions were at first killing me slowly with stress: no job, no hints of a job, no home, no money, no vehicle. Then suddenly... hope.

Not the Obama campaign slogan kind. The Godly, "I never forgot you," kind. The kind that drops you to your knees in gratitude. Thank you for not letting us starve. Thank you for not letting us go homeless. Thank you for the many blessings and gifts we've been given to survive this ordeal. I'm sorry when I was angry or frustrated and may or may not have some certain cuss words.

Avery had a job interview... in August. It looked really positive. A good job, a good opportunity, a good change. The unfortunate side, it was at Hill Air Force Base. The move was not the problem, that's the change. The problem would be, he would be employed by the government. Politics aside, I don't care, his job directly affects the Air Force; the military, the soldiers, and that's a good thing. What I do care about is that like anything with the government, the process takes an unnaturally long time. He interviewed in August, we had tentative contact from his future supervisor regarding gathering necessary paperwork for a couple weeks. Then nothing for four weeks. By the end, we thought the job was gone, another disappointment, and no more hope.

I think having hope, then losing it... can be far worse than never having it in the first place.

Then a preliminary offer. Not at all what Avery was expecting, but we honestly had no choice. The job market was not our friend. He accepted. We started looking for a rental home. More downs. Another story for another day. Finally, found a semi-decent one, that would require a lot of work to even be livable. Then the coordination of moving all of our belongings from Utah County, hiding in a 5x10 storage shed and our best friend's basement, to Ogden. Within a week.

Yeah, no. Sucks. And tiring.

But... new home! Uppity, up, up!

Bills. Rent. Groceries. Toilet paper. Cleaning supplies. No income. Depressingly down again.

Avery started training this past Tuesday. Very exciting, and uplifting. He's bored because it's mostly sexual harassment and security training. But... job! YAY!

Then we needed a second car to get us to our separate places of employment. More searching. Maybe a yes. Stress about the auto loan. Hand the check over. Drive it home.


Try to register it the next day. Doesn't pass Safety.


Yeah, Life, no you suck. You are just not my friend lately. You just can't let us win one, can you? Everything has to feel like this nail gouging hill climb of a battle to achieve the smallest victories. For every upward movement we feel, there's this sudden rock slide of disappointment to knock us back down.

But guess what?

From the bottom, the only direction is up.

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