Under Pressure

Well... hello there. Long time no see. Of course, ultimately for very good reasons. Buuuu.... uhhhuuuttt... I'm feeling this extreme amount of pressure to blog again. If only to record the beautiful things happening these days, or even the not so beautiful. In my defense I have started like a bajillion posts, including my delivery story and a day by day playback of the first two weeks of the lil' ones life. Because recording how many times she pooed is very important for posterity. You know it is.
Then yesterday she had her six month well child check with Dr. Grandpa. And I was in a panic that I haven't been recording every little thing possible. That all the little changes haven't been shared enough.
There are multiple reasons, one, being the computer I save all my pictures on has been ridiculous about connecting to the internet. And everybody knows you can't write a post after six months without including a picture bomb of the adorable daughter. Duh!
Two through five hundred include: having a baby, recovering from having a baby, feeding baby, getting mastitis twice, changing baby (times one million), not sleeping, cleaning baby puke, going back to work, find someone to watch baby, doing laundry, finding a spare moment to shower, etc.
To summarize: the first three months were HARD. Yes, all caps were appropriate in that sentence. She was colicky, had horrible reflux, breastfeeding was a nightmare, she would not sleep, and cried constantly. I only survived because I had so much help. Avery was wonderful. My mother a life saver, especially when I got mastitis the first time... which happened to be the second weekend home with her, and Avery and my dad were in Moab. Ugh. And Avery's mom, Lora, taking her so many Saturdays just so I could sleep.
I went back to work after six weeks... note to self: way too soon. Luckily, it was teaching only a day or two a week, but still with everything, it was too much for me.
Now don't get me wrong, she was beautiful and tiny and perfect. But I probably have PTSD from the 'newborn' stage.
Then magically she transformed. She decided to wean on her own, absolutely refused, so we switched to formula. Found the perfect one for sensitive tummies, added rice cereal to weigh it down, and poof.... colic and reflux cured. She stopped puking, stopped crying as much, started sleeping. *****HALLELUJAH***** Angels singing, light of heaven shining down. I suddenly had a happy and beautiful and tiny and perfect baby.
She started rolling, then never stopped, started laughing, started smiling, started playing on her own, started pushing herself up, started standing, started crawling, started pulling herself up. All in a matter of three months. Best three months of my life. I love how much fun she has become. We laugh and play and dance. She can still be super annoying, she is very high maintenance, way too independent for a six month old, and way too smart for my sanity. But now I can honestly say I enjoy being a mother.
It might have been a good thing I didn't write a post in those first few months. There would have been way too many murmurings about my mental health. The other day I finally had the thought about having another baby without dropping into the fetal position and sucking my thumb. Don't worry it still won't be for a while. A long, long while. It's interesting how badly I wanted to have a baby, how long I waited for her, how hard we tried, and then how difficult I've found every step. It's not necessarily sad, just interesting. Life is funny.
Things are lovely. I love her so much. She loves daddy more, but you can't always win. I changed jobs, which has turned out wonderfully. I love my job. I love my time with her. Teaching her things, or just watching her figure them out on her own. Which is what usually happens. I know every parent thinks this, but she's a freaking genius. It's insane. Her little serious face when she concentrates super hard cracks me up. How hard she laughs at the silly things Uncle Austin does, is my favorite. How she growls at daddy every time she sees him, because he taught her that, drives me nuts, but it's still adorable. She is my life. And I am totally okay with that.
There are still a few bad, but not nearly as much. Avery is almost done with school, but still has to work a lot on his Master's thesis and project. My work is great, though lately it's been hard to find childcare and I worry about leaving her. Our health has been good, but I'm still not 100% after the pregnancy. I swear my organs are still jacked up. Plus, the amount of Dr. Pepper I drink is unhealthy, and not helping the weight loss. Avery and I are great, doing well adjusting to being parents and partners. He is a great daddy. He comes home kissing Audrey all over, telling her how much he missed her, and how beautiful she is. And then I say "Uh, hello? I'm here too."  :)
I can't wait until we can move out and have a place of our own. But will always be extremely grateful to my parents. I worry about my loved ones' health. There's been some concerns lately. Makes you realize how lucky you are sometimes. And makes you realize how fragile we all really are. I have full blown nightmares about Audrey; being hurt, in danger, or killed. Is that normal? I don't necessarily worry as much during the day, but when my thoughts wander at night....
Luckily, my monitor has a video function that I can switch on and look in on her without waking her. And if I turn up the sound enough, I can hear her snore. Unfortunately, she inherited that from me. Like right now, if you could see her, she's all curled up with her bum and in the air and talking in her sleep. Makes me teary, while smiling.
Oh, and PS she weighs a whopping 14 lbs which puts her in the 12% (good for her) and is 25 inches long (44%) and her head circumference in the 50%. We call her 'bobble head baby': big head, skinny body. But we also call her AdeyBug, Bugga, BabyGirl, and DriDri.
You can call her Audrey. My daughter.

Bumpin' Together

What do two VERY pregnant girls do for funsies these days? Well, there's the pajama party we had last week. Complete with about $20 worth of Easter candy and Taco Bell. The best part... no pants. Ugh! I hate pants. Like the real kind you have to zip up and everything. So very tight. Also, sports bras. Yay! Usually, I don't leave the house in one for the general population's sake, but when I'm guaranteed to not see anyone I know... then I'm all over that. Hanna doesn't really count as someone I know, because, well she's in the same upper-half boat.
Some days it's just the park or a walk around the cemetery block. This is if we actually get out of the house instead of just texting/complaining all day about how large we feel. I say we... I mean me.
This week we decided to be productive girls and head up to Park City for a little shop 'til you drop outing. Which to be honest, I was expecting to have happen after the first store. I have zero energy lately. Negative zero. Vacuuming nearly killed me this week. I changed the sheets and almost passed out on the bed right then and there. When we parked and I recalled really how large the outlets were, I panicked a little bit.
But... it was so very fun! I survived! I spent way too much! But hey, what can you do when Carter's has a sale? Say no?!? Pshaw! They get me every time with those summer dresses. My cute little doll/baby has some outfits I'm envious of.
Then we hit a few other stores, even grown up ones, and walked around. The most amusing part of all was our reflections in the store windows. The combined girth of the bellies is officially ginormous! In DownEast we were testing out hair accessories (since that's really the only thing in that store I fit into) and I documented part of the swelling.



Can you say Buh-Elly? Cracks me up though. Do you like how I wore black because it's slimming? Hehehe... it does make it blend a bit better. Hmmm... maybe I need more black shirts.
All in all, a good day, the sun was shining, pretty clothes, talk of babies. Oh and this kid...



He makes me happy. Something about him... dunno. He's one of the coolest kids I know. Maybe it's the fact he remembers my name. Or how he gets the biggest toothy grin when he says, "Jenn!" Or that every time his mom mentions me he asks, "Dogs?" Because he loves my puppies, except when they lick him. I guess in reality he likes the idea of them more than their actual presence. But the coolest is that he remembers my furry babies names' when I show him a picture because he is sad that I didn't bring them with me to our shopping trip. "Apollo." and "Missy" never sounded so dang cute.
Hopefully, I'll like my own daughter as much. Hopefully, she'll be as entertaining and clever. Hopefully, she'll be cute and we can enjoy shopping trips together.

I CANNOT WAIT!!!
Speaking of baby girl... get out of there already!

My Body Is A Wonderland

Maybe I should rethink that title...
Our bodies are amazing. No, seriously, think about it. Do you know what kind of crazy stuff we can do to them, and they just heal right back up? I've seen it. I love it. I am that weird girl who was always fascinated by the human body. It is just so cool. How the different mini and not so mini systems work together. How all the little parts fit together. We went to the Bodies exhibit in Las Vegas on our first anniversary, I was giddy. GIDDY! Who does that? ...Me...

So last night I was laying there, trying to sleep... again (aren't you glad I didn't blog this time?) and my daughter was squirming around every which way, making me slightly queasy. Fetal movement does that to me. I tell you, I don't love the sensation. Plus, it just keeps me awake!

I started thinking about what exactly was going on in there. This whole reproduction deal. Now I am not going to lie. Pregnancy used to gross me out. Having this living creature grow inside you. Reminds me too much of the Alien movies. You know, where the thing squirms around beneath the skin and then SPLACK... pops out and devours everyone in the room.
Whenever one of my friends was pregnant and the fetus would push an entire foot or hand through. AAAAHHHH!!!! Kill it!!!

Maybe not kill it, but creepy, no?
But last night... it was pure magic. The fact that my body could produce another body. Magic. Everything my daughter needs to grow and stretch started out with my body and then her's took off on it's own. She has eyelashes now! Awesome. Somehow my body has just formed this other living being. Even my organs have sacrificed their personal space to make room for the bubble that houses that being. My skin has stretched and expanded to beyond reasonable expectation. I have the stretch marks to prove it. Not so much on my stomach; as my hip, thighs, butt, and... yeah... ahem.

Speaking of... The fact that my body could produce something edible. Nasty! Another thing that used to creep me right out. Anything that comes OUT of the human body should not be ingested. I've worked in rest homes before.

But now the thought that my body will soon be able to nourish and feed my daughter even after she's out and independent (so to speak), is amazing. (On a side note: has anybody researched selling/donating breast milk? I'm curious.) The fact that a human body can not only form another human body but then continue to help it grow after it ejects, is just so cool. Pretty soon I will have that little girl to hold and snuggle. She just needs a bit more time to bake.

For one small moment I treasured the feeling of her poking my ribs on one side and distending my belly on the other. I reveled in the wonder of it all. My body is cool. And guess what... so is hers. How lucky are we? Poor males have no idea what they are missing.

Then she kicked me extra hard and I was annoyed again.